About Me

---

Hey hey! My real name is Cassandra and I'm a divorced mother of three. In 2004, while 16 and pregnant, it was decided that I should, or more like it, needed, to get married. So, with no knowledge of reality or what marriage truly entailied, I was married off to my then 20 year old baby daddy. I spent the next near decade in marriage hell while trying my hardest to be the best mother I could be to my children. (Who are the most amazing things that have ever happened to me.) After years of dealing with a toxic and abusive marriage, and after he had told me that he did not want to be with me, I was introduced to the world of internet modeling so that I coud try to make some money for myself and my kids. I noticed that I was growing a bit of a following simply for posting pictures and I saw it as an opportunity to do more. I began following my true passions of writing and singing along with listing to the call I felt to live openly and transparetnly and share all of my stories and lessons in order to try to help others not feel so alone in life. It was during this time that I met someone I will reference in some of my writings and felt like I was on cloud 9. I was making my own money, I was giving voice to my passions, I was helping people, my kids were happy and healthy, I had let go of any unhealthy attachment to my toxic spouse and I had met someone who felt, well, right. Life was going to be amazing. I had it all figured out....Or so I thought. 

In October of 2013, I filed for divorce, officially. My ex husband left the house to live with his girlfriend, taking with him every last dollar, and every card that could be swiped. He cut off the internet and even worse, he took the computer...the only thing I was using to make money. Living as a stay at home parent since 16 had taken it's toll and I had NOTHING. Not a dollar in my pocket, no credit, nothing was in my name other than the electric and gas which were now up to me to pay with no way to pay for them. I had three beautiful children looking at me for direction, for comfort, for understanding, but worse still, for food, for warmth, for shelter, for clean water...for their lives to continue the way they had always known them. I had to ask neighbors if they could hitch a ride with them to school since I couldn't even put gas in the car. My youngest at the time was 3 years old, and there was no way I could afford childcare. I couldn't buy groceries. I was utterly terrified. I swallowed any pride I had and walked into the Welfare office where, against my struggle with asking for help, applied for aid. It wasn't much, but it was enough to put gas in the car and fill the fridge and cabinets with food. I might have even been able to get some internet and pay for my own cell phone so I could begin working again. I was going to pull myself out of this dumpster fire.

Then came the kock at the door. 

At 6am in early 2014, someone knocked on the front door. It was a school morning so I thought maybe it was a neighbor kid asking for a ride or seeing if the kids needed one. To my horror and surprise it was a grown woman who confidently and assertively asked my name. After confirming that my nod meant I was indeed, Cassandra, she handed me a large manilla envelope and said the words I thought people only said in movies: "You've been served." We had all been living in our house since my son was born in 2007. My ex husband's grandmother bought the property for us to live in. Never once did he give her rent. That's for another story though, because I planned to, I just hadn't gotten there yet. I opened the early morning drop off and saw that she was evicting me and the kids. WTF. There had to be a misunderstanding. I found out that when she bought the house, she only put herself on the title, so I had no rights to the house and if she wanted me out, I had to get out, no matter the situation since we weren't even on a lease. I went to her in tears, begging and pleading, practically on my hands and knees. I told her that I promised I was going to pay her rent, my parents even said they would move in to help and make sure that she got her monthly payment. She stayed steadfast in her response which was a cold, hardened, no. July 1st, 2014 I had to gather my children and my dog, pack what we could in the car that wasn't in my name either, and drive an hour and half to the next county over where my parents had purchased a home that me and the kids were going to move into, with them and my brother of course. 

I would spend the next 3 years in court. Oh, and that guy that felt so right? He ghosted me back in 2013. Not a word from him. In fact, his brother's girlfriend said that "he didn't know me." Fucking wonderful.

I tried to set myself up at my parent's house, but it wasn't easy. It was a tough relationship when I was a teenager and now, I was back at 26 with three kids. I think they thought I was still 16 and it took a long while for us to figure out a new and more mature relationship.  I enrolled my kids in school and found a job where the hours allowed me to drop them off and pick them up and still tuck them in bed at night-most nights. I started at 9.00 an hour as a front gate girl working at Motorcross track. 9.00 an hour. Beggers can't be choosers I guess. I was miserable. I cried deeply and from my soul. I stepped out of bed and put on my best smile because I had to, because I had kids who needed me to. I wanted to melt into nothingness and float away in invisable pieces. I wanted the never ending struggle to end. My hopes and dreams got pushed down and out of sight to make room for survival and from 2013, survival was all I saw. 

Life works in crazy ways though and that 9.00 an hour job led me to the place I am now. See, it was there that I met a co worker who turned out to be the most amazing human I'd ever met. He never let me push him away. He let me cry and talk about all the things I had held inside. He listened and never got scared. He brought snack for my kids. He tried to help anyway he could and he never let me feel alone. In 2016, we moved in together. In 2016, I was granted my official divorce. In 2016, I was exhausted. It took me another 2 or 3 years to feel somewhat normal again. I still am not the person I was before 2013 and I'm not sure I ever will be. 

After years of surviving turned into years of processing, I am now ready for my years of truly living. Though my wants may have been pushed down, I never forgot them and intend to see my callings and passions through. So, here I am. With this site, and these words and this hope. You are not alone. I'm still here. Trucking along, following my dreams and passions, holding my hand out for you to grab and looking for my farm castle. BTW-I really want a farm castle lol. One day. Step by step, journey by journey. Come along with me, let's figure this crazy life out together. Xo