I get it, some people don't like to read, or they're just too busy. I got you. Check out the audio forms of my blogs whenever you want. They are seperated by playlists.
All things society and carving out your own unique space.
All of the damn feels. Sometimes they're cringe, sometime's they're insightful, sometimes they're sad or upset or determind...But they are always valid. I'm here to be vulnerable and process along with you.
The cliff notes: At 15 I met my ex husband. We were young and dumb. At 16 I got married because I was pregnant. At 17 I had my daughter. Cheating. Lots of verbal abuse and cheating. Tried to go to school. At 19 I had my son. More abuse and cheating. Honeymood periods. Trying to make it work. Stuggles with a ED. Huge cheating. Then I cheated. Pregnant with my youngest. Mom of 3 at 22. Loved being a mom. Tried really hard. More cheating. Physical altercations. Gave up. Worked out. Became an internet model. Met Canada. Instantly felt right. Big physical altercation. Filed for divorce. Said yes to Canada. Got ghosted. Got kicked out of the house. Absolute hopelessness.
The cliff notes: Internet modeling. Doing me. Making money. Loving living for me. Hanging with my friends. No boys, just kids, fun and money. Met Canada. Yes please. Talked for hours and hours. Called them "phone dates." Catching feelings. Told him so. He said he "only wanted me." Told him things at home sucked. He asked if I'd ever get married again. Lots of long, expensive phone dates. Trying to get to eachother. He asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I said no, not yet. I was scared crapless. Big physical altercation happened. I said yes to his question. He ghosted. I was more broken then I'd ever been. It hurt like hell. Massively triggering. Everything else just made it worse. It sucked. Big time.
The cliff notes: Moved in with my parents. Hated it but was thankful to not be homeless. Going through a long, nasty divorce. No money. Got a job at motocross track. Canada liked to ride mx and streetbikes, so it was emotionally horrendous for me to be there. Put on a brave face. Happy smile. I'm fine. Internally dying. Pushed everyone away. No dates. Said no to every guy--every phone number. Focused on being okay for my kids. I wasn't okay. Emotionally reeling. Co worker never left. I tried to push him away too. He didn't go anywhere. He listened. He let me cry. He never stopped trying to help. Moved out with him after a year. Still emotionally stunted. He just kept trying. Amazing to my kids. Years go by. Slowly I start to heal myself. I start to accept love. I start to trust. I begin to understand no conditions. Unconditional. I go from surviving to living. I reawaken my passions. He just supports. I understand what being blessed means.
Exploring relationships.
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